• If you are a woman would you propose to a man?
• In this post-modern world is it right for a woman to initiate marriage?
• If you are a man would you like it if a woman proposes to you?

My friend Michelle Brooks of Brides and Prejudice feels that a woman should never propose. She says that men should be leaders and initiators.

“If a woman does that he can always say that you are the one who wanted it,” Michelle’s told me on a television debate on the topic.

What do you think about marriage proposal by women?

Actually, it has been found that women are usually very active in initiating and orchestrating marriages for a long time.

Many men would drag their feet and do nothing but enjoy the relationship if their women allowed it. It is the women who usually drop hints; bring up some sort of discussion about or around it.

Sometimes it may the family or friends who have to prod and prompt the guy to do something about the ongoing relationship that seems to be stuck.

So after all it is usually women who have to take the lead anyway.

I read someplace that women have to make up the minds of men.

Let me give some powerful ways way to deal with this if you want to take your relationship up to the next level – marriage.

Assess the likelihood of getting a yes.

On a scale of 1-10, what is the probability of him saying yes to you? If in doubt do without. I say don’t do it if the answer is below 7 or 8. Obviously, much of this depends on the strength and health of the relationship.

Chose the best time.

It is highly unlikely that you will get a meaningful (or even positive) response while he is watching football or his favourite time has lost the game. However, the probability of getting a yes increases dramatically if his team has won and he is in a celebratory mood – in other words, talk to him about this either when he is very relaxed or in high spirits.

Do not ask him a closed question

e.g., Will, you marry me? This definitely sets you up for disappointment as he is forced to answer YES or NO. He may want to marry you but is not emotionally, psychologically and financially ready yet. We have found that men are more willing to marry when they feel they can fully support and take care of a family.

Instead, use the soft or feminine approach.

Ride on the back of what people say.

If someone has mentioned that you both like a great couple or even that you look as they you were both married use that as the lead into a conversation about marriage.

You can say, “That got me thinking, we do get on very well together. (List some of the ways you both gel). What do you think about it or how do you feel?” This helps to gauge where he is at and what he is thinking about the issue.

You may even start a conversation by telling/giving him a list of all the ways and all the things he does that make you feel great, inspired and happy. Tell him how happy you are about having him in your life and how you wish you that he can be a permanent part of your life. Then ask him his opinion about such a prospect. Again this gives you some indication of where he is.

One person created a photo book of all the memorable moments of their relationship and on the last page she wrote a special note saying how much she would like to spend the rest of her life with him, then asked: “how do you feel about us getting married?“

If you are sure very sure about his feeling about you then you may want to approach it dead on. One day when you are both having really great time together simply say: “we get on so good together why don’t we just get married?”

Assume a yes.

Out of the blue one day simply ask him: When are you going to pick up the invitations and send them out?” When he asks what you are talking about a simple reply – the wedding invitations. This will definitely start a discussion about the wedding. Be sure to always keep positive and expectant. Assume that it’s on.

Get others to talk to him.

When people ask you about getting married simply tell them to talk to him as you are ready and simply waiting on him to pop the question. Usually, people can be much better at having an objective conversation as they are not emotionally involved.

Be prepared for any and all possible answers.

In your mind run through how he may or may not respond. Also, get ready for the worst possible scenario – a rejection.

Sometimes men are not ready for this and would not be able to give a clear and definite answer. They may need time to crystallize how that really feels about getting married to you. So you may tell him that he could take some time and get back to you within a week or two. (Be sure to give a deadline for him to come back to you – if he doesn’t within that time you can accept that as a no).

Some men do not feel ready to take on the responsibility of a family right now because he may not have reached where he wants to be in his career or have the resources to do so. You will then have to have a discussion on how long this can take and if it makes sense for you to wait. Lots of things may happen at this time.

If he brushes you off telling you how much he loves you and that you are the only one without some ballpark time frame when he will be able to move the relationship on then “he isn’t that into you.” Cut your losses and move on.

If he tells you that he does not see himself married to you then you need to immediately terminate the relationship and start looking for someone who looking to get married too.

Sometimes when you make a definite cut many men realize that they have lost something valuable to them and want to return. Never return to a relationship with definite clear-cut ideas on where he is going to take the relationship and the time frame in which this would happen.

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